Every man (married or not) has the dream (his concept) of perfection in women. This dream fuels the male/female dance and pursuit. Typically more time, effort, energy and money is spent on the wedding than the marriage. The wedding is the ultimate metaphor for marriage, but is an illusion of perfection - the ornate decorations, expensive dresses and tuxedoes, limousines, ballroom, catering, and a million other details. It is well intended on both the part of the man and woman as an outward expression of their mutual love and devotion, but the marriage cannot possibly live up to the metaphor, unless men and women clear the clutter and come clean.

Men, is the woman you married the EXACT embodiment of everything you desired in a wife? If your answer is yes, quit lying. You had an idea of what you wanted, got blinded by love (or lust), met and (presumably fell in love) with a woman who came close, so you accepted the 80% ratio of good things they brought to the table, compromised on the 20% she didn't bring, and jumped the broom. Then, after a period of time the glitter begins to fade (or so you think). Meanwhile, the illusion of the 100% remains, because you never let it go, either because you didn't see the need, you didn't realize the necessity, or you refused to let the dream go.

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This quest for the elusive illusion of female perfection is exactly what attracts men to the beauty of the opposite sex: the hair, exquisite cheeks, body symmetry, sway of the hips, mouth, lips, cup size, intelligence, sense of humor, professionalism, style, grace, articulation, wisdom, physical beauty, sensuality, emotionality and sexuality in women other than their own wives. The man, as steward (responsible and accountable to God) over the marriage, still subconsciously staring him the face, and not finding 100% "perfection" in his spouse, feels a sense of disenfranchisement at (what I believe is) a subconscious level, and as a result, wrongfully hunts for that sense of 100% fulfillment he longs for.

This attraction to women is at its inception twofold. One, God placed an instinct in man to be attracted to the female to insure the human race from extinction. This instinct is indiscriminate, because flesh cannot be saved. Two, in cases of infidelity, the attraction is an illusion, a mirage in the desert of the mind. The problem is, the illusion has not, does not, will not and cannot fulfill the desires or expectations of men. This illusion is a delusion and, as a result, inevitably unrequited. What then is the answer to this age old dilemma?

Whatever a man perceives as his idyllic perception of 100% perfection in a wife should clearly either be :

a) the checklist of things they are responsible for developing and cultivating in their mate, or

b) summarily rejected and dismissed as selfish, unreasonable and unrealistic.

If these expectations exist, it is his duty to nurture the ability to fulfill that expectation, by building and cultivating those very qualities and abilities he finds attracting him to others (the 20%) in his own spouse. If the expectation is reasonable and within their grasp, this is his greatest and most important life’s work - to build her to a level she could never accomplish alone.

This is no illusion - it is a husband’s duty to his spouse to make her the wife of his dreams, by investing his resources and human capital in her growth and development. This is to be accomplished not by tactile, surface demands like breast implants, collagen injections, thongs, botox or cheek implants. It is done by committing oneself to the intrinsic development of one’s mate - identifying, then lovingly strengthening weaknesses, feeding and fueling fantasies, encouraging discovery and creativity, sharing insights, experiences and education, in the grand pursuit of one of life’s greatest achievements and mysteries - the two becoming one.

Without realizing the fact that this is his duty, the creative mind of man is doomed to roam and wander in search of the  20%.  Modern relationships don’t concentrate on building each other as one - normally he has his interests, she has hers, and only occasionally the twain meet. As time marches on, the meeting of interests often become fewer and farther between, until there exists an unbridgeable gulf, a Grand Canyon chasm wider than the imagination can conceive. In an effort to find the answer to the delusion of the illusion of perfection, the unconscious mind of man searches for the solution to the riddle of unhappiness, discontent and dissatisfaction, until his gaze rests upon an image that represents the potential of fulfillment - the  20% of another woman.

If there is no governor (in the person of the Holy Spirit), and no questioning of the reason behind the passion that drives him headlong toward that which most often does not ultimately satisfy, but rather corrupts and destroys lives and destinies - he will become a prisoner to his own fantasy. The only method of cleansing one of this unrealistic pursuit is to admit that the  20% delusion is real, that there is no 100% perfection, and that the quest for satisfaction is one that must begin within the walls of the castle of commitment constructed between one man and one woman.

Though it may never be achieved, 100% perfection is the proverbial carrot in front of the horse, always just out of reach, but useful in driving the speed of the racer ever forward to the finish line.

When a man:

Nurtures his wife spiritually, financially, naturally, emotionally, educationally and culturally.

Accepts total responsibility for the unselfish growth and development of his wife.

Becomes accountable for his own frailty and depravity.

Admits that the perfection of beauty is a deluded illusion.

Then and only then will infidelity become a thing of the past.